Failure is never a feeling people typically embrace, most folks seek out success. It is a strange phenomenon because any successful person has many failures before their success. If we search for some of the successful people in life we can see all the failures that preceded their success. In modern science, for example, thank goodness many researchers “failed” or got a null hypothesis or we might still be prescribing lobotomies and bloodletting for people who are sick. One of the most famous failures was Penicillin in 1928 when Alexander Fleming discovered a mold had formed in a petri dish by accident but it was killing bacteria. If failure is such an important of success why are we all so avoidant of it?
What we do with failure makes the biggest difference. It can be easy to internalize failure and feel it as a hit to our self-worth. Others can accept their failures as a necessary stop on their way to success. This is such an important distinction. When we fail, it doesn’t necessarily make us a failure, but potentially on the hunt for new information. Can you imagine what a difference makes when we think of failure as the learning process, rather than a defective human? I could see how this change in thought process can change how you feel. Not only because I am a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist that I have based my entire career on this theory, but because I see it in my personal life as well.
My personal goal this year has been to practice what I preach, meaning any time I have intense emotional distress I would use the therapeutic tools I teach to my clients every day. It is interesting to me that many people think that just knowing therapeutic tools means you are mentally healthy. The only thing that boosts mental health is continued practice and implementation. At the end of the day, I love to indulge in some sweet treats while I am watching TV. It is something I am continuing to work on, I learn a lot from my failures, such as the times I do it more often, and what type of treats I prefer. When I fail at not eating a candy at the end of the day I try to learn something from that experience rather than tearing myself down or giving up on my goal. Each time I am tempted to have a sweet is an opportunity to grow.
I am not at a place in my life where I am embracing failure and looking forward to the opportunity each time I get it, but I am moving closer to approaching failure with curiosity. I invite you to join me in failing beautifully to grow.